The Hut in early November. Thanks to Hut Warden Liz Green for the photo.
We're back with another Plague Times
issue! Many thanks to all the kind folks who've provided content, asked
and unasked. You all make our job so much easier!
The ever-popular Tuesday evening quiz and pub nights are still going
strong thanks to our wonderful Social Sec Megan Malpas and her minions.
Keep an eye on Facebook for details but if you're not on there and would
like to come along, let us know and we'll get the links for the Zoom calls sent over to you.
Back issues of the newsletter can be found here.
We'd really love to create a content list for all our online
newsletters, and some help with this would be much appreciated, so if
you're at a loose end with some time to spare, please let us know!
Stay safe in difficult times, and if any member - new or old - is
struggling with anything and wants a listening ear, remember that UBSS
is a supportive community that is always here to help. So drop us a line if you'd ever like to chat!
Linda and Mia
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!
We had an amazing response to our single subject mailshot about the EGM,
with well over 100 people opening the document which resulted in 38
people turning up by Zoom to vote on the new constitution.
The new constitution was approved unanimously. Steve Warr won the
sweepstake for the closest prediction for the timing of the formal
meeting (eight minutes).
Minutes of the Extraordinary General Meeting held on 10th November 2020, via Zoom.
Those present:Members: Hellie Adams,
Rob Adams, Sam Bowers, Tony Boycott, Ruth Briggs, Imogen Clement-Jones,
Nathan Cubitt, Kit Eaton, Ashley Gregg, Simon Hadfield, Dan Harries,
Sioned Haughton, Kirsten Hopkins, Mia Jacobs, Anya Keatley, Megan
Malpas, Merryn Matthews, David Mead, Henry Morgan, Graham Mullan, Elaine
Oliver, Clive Owen, Nick Patrick, Jacob Podesta, Katherin Roberts,
Helen Rossington, Richard Rossington, Haydon Saunders, Mike Simms, Mark
Tringham, Carol Walford, Julian Walford, Steve Warr, Ian Wheeler, Sharon
Wheeler, Dick Willis, Linda Wilson, Zac Woodford. Observers: Mike Balister, Charlie Harding, Jan Walker.
Apologies for absence: David Drew, Hans Friederich, Tim Hill, Cat Hulse, Pete Smart.
The Meeting started at 20.10 Merryn Matthews took the chair.
Merryn briefly outlined the reason for the meeting being called, to vote on the acceptance of a revised constitution.
Elaine Oliver noted that the draft revised constitution had been drawn
up, mainly by Merryn and Linda Wilson, after discussion with the
Students’ Union and was designed to bring our structure into line with
Union bye-laws, but in a way that did not interfere with the ways in
which we have worked for the last 101 years. The draft had been
circulated to the membership and a number of queries and clarifications
had been raised and had been answered by Linda.
Merryn noted that expressions of support had been received from Alumni
members including Pete Smart, Dave Drew and Hans Freiderich. She read
out the following comments from Dave Drew:
I strongly support the proposed changes in the constitution. One of
the great strengths of the Society and which helps to distinguish it
from many other student caving clubs, is the continuity and robustness
imparted by having former student members and some outsiders continue to
'belong' and to make contributions of a kind that would not be possible
for undergraduate and postgraduate students to make. For example, in
maintaining Proceedings as a premier scientific publication; for example
in producing a string of exemplary publications such as the recent
Caves of mid-west Ireland. Not just publications: allowing the
Constitutional changes to be enacted will making it possible for former
students of the University to continue making invaluable contributions
to the well-being of the Society on a life-time basis. Think Trat,
Oliver Lloyd and many others and of course, presently Linda and Graham.
And from Hans Freiderich:
Dear UBSS Hon Sec
I will most likely not be able to join you for the virtual EGM, and I
would like to record my agreement with the proposed new Constitution. I agree that it is important to maintain a mix of student members
and non-student members. Especially the involvement of alumni
assures a level of continuity, and provides for mentoring and support.
Yet, I am very comfortable with the proposed arrangements regarding
the majority of executive officers being elected from student members,
and that two thirds of the voting members of the Society have to be full
members of the Union.
It is a very good recommendation that publication be added as one of
the aims and objectives of UBSS. The Proceedings are a trusted
source of scientific information, and I am pleased that I was able to
publish some of my research findings in the Proceedings during my
Bristol days. May they continue to be a source of information for
speleologists and archeologists for many years to come.
I hope the new Constitution will be approved.
With best regards Dr Hans Friederich, FRGS.
Merryn then moved that the draft constitution be accepted by the meeting. The motion was passed unanimously.
The formal meeting closed at 20.18. It was followed by a talk from Linda Wilson entitled Once Upon a Time: An armchair caver’s guide to Caving, good practice & equipment.
PHOTO CORNER: PUBSS ACTION SHOT
Left to right: Zac's Knee, Merryn Matthews,
Kat Osie-Mensah, Haydon Saunders, Jakob Annerdal, Sam Bowers. We hope
you find this photo amusing.
A few hardy souls braved the cold to gather
in person outside The Eldon pub just before the last lockdown. As
you'll see, dear readers, Merryn is clearly unconvinced by Haydon's size
claims.
CHECC AGM
Student President Merryn Matthews nobly
missed last week's quiz to attend the AGM of the Council of Higher
Education Caving Clubs as UBSS rep. Merryn reports on the meeting.
They kicked things off by announcing this
year’s competition winners. Me and Mia were sad to see they rejected our
pint themed logo, claiming none of the logos were sufficient for
awarding a prize. However, Henry brought home the glory for UBSS by
winning the song contest.
Typical AGM matters continued with reports from the committee, guessing
Botch’s age and the election of Jennifer Ryder as the new chair. Key
things to note:
T-Shirts: They are still selling last year’s CHECC t-shirts (Winnie the Pooh themed)
Dales week:
BCA are provisionally planning a weeklong event at the end of June in
the Dales with pre-rigged caves, quizzes, talks and a bar.
UIS 2021:
Next year the UIS’s, the international governing body of caving,
4-yearly congress takes place. It will take place in Chambery (An
historic town in the French Alps) during the last week of July 2021.
Caves all over France will be rigged. Dates: 25th July – 1st August.
Expecting 2.5k people depending on COVID and visas. Talks on history of
expos, paleo, cave science, mines and anything else underground related.
Caving holiday, scientific conference, Hidden earth all rolled into
one. Early bird tickets can be booked now and CHECC is looking at ways
to make it cheaper for students.
PSM Trip: BCA
are planning an event for beginner sport trips in Europe – including a
trip down Pierre Saint Martin which is highly recommended by those who
have been before. Planning is currently in the works and you can contact
the CHECC committee to be involved.
Singing and song writing has been a
UBSS tradition for a long time and now one of our members has won a
prize for it! So many congrats to our very own Henry Morgan who, along
with Ben Wynn of DUSA won the recent CHECC competition, as Merryn
reported above.So let's have a huge round of applause for Henry and Ben!
I've been caving here a long time
Down all the years, down all the days
Nearly drowned in the Troubles
Enjoyed your sexy streamway
We took the freshers down together together
And we watched them as they fell
Six of them fell down the Twenty
Three of them reached the Great Bell
I took shelter from a rockfall
Boulders tumbling down the stream
On a rainy night in Swildons
Somehow we’re now lost it seems
Looking for Blue Pencil Passage
The Hunters waiting down the road
The water rising up the walls
Where is the way out, oh we’re fucked
We found a passage of small proportions
From it came a funny stink
On a rainy night in Swildons
We popped out of Priddy Green Sink
Now the trip is nearly over
The fresh will never be found
A pint of Butcome waiting for me
Let’s assume that they all drowned
Sometimes I cave up in Yorkshire
Descending Notts Pot or Death Head
While the SRT is thrilling
Swildons Hole is in my head
Swildons Hole is in my head
Henry Morgan and Ben Wynn
MOVEMBER!
Henry Morgan. Yep, definitely some facial hair here! Yes, it's the time of year when UBSS
members grow dodgy facial hair and raise money for men's health! This
year, Henry Morgan and Sam Bowers threw themselves into fundraising,
with Henry setting out to cycle the distance between Cambridge and
Copenhagen without ever leaving the fens! He succeeded.
As this is the November newsletter, there's still time to sneak in and
leave donations, if you'd like to support this excellent cause.
And not to be outdone, Sam's porn star 'tache is coming on well. You can find Henry's Movember donation page here and Sam's here. As we're writing, both have surpassed their targets; Henry with £756 and sam with £120. Fantastic job lads!
SECRET SANTA 2020
UBSS Santa this year is the lovely Haydon Sauders who has volunteered to run this year's small gift fest!
If you would like to join in, please email Santa
by midnight on Friday 4th December 2020, and he'll match you up with a
recipient as well as someone who will give you a gift. Gifts will be
posted and opened at a Zoom pre-Xmas pub night.
Come on, folks, the more the merrier! And don't worry about being matched with someone you don't know! Santa's little helpers will be quite happy to provide any background information (aka scurrilous gossip) about your lucky recipient!
OUT AND ABOUT IN BRISTOL
Lower Cave, Avon Gorge With travel to caves problematic
during lockdown, Linda Wilson, Tony Boycott and Jan Walker have used
their weekly Wednesday Walks to take a look at some sites in and around
Bristol mentioned in the local volume of Somerset Underground.
LOWER CAVE, AVON GORGE
Situated in a small quarry almost at the base of the Clifton Suspension
Bridge, Lower Cave (sometimes known as Bridge Cave) is short but
surprisingly pretty. The cave featured in work done some years ago by
UBSS member Andy Baker, now a professor at UNSW Sydney, in Australia.
Linda recently saw Andy again at the BCRA science symposium and he
kindly agreed to contribute to our 100 Memories project by looking back
on what he got up to as part of his PhD.
So, over to Andy ....
I first started work in what I called ‘Lower Cave’ in 1991 – from memory
there was a ‘Caves of the Avon Gorge’ booklet and I was looking for a
site that could be regularly visited for a cave monitoring part of my
PhD research.
I needed actively dripping water and actively forming speleothems, to
allow me to test whether the speleothem growth rate was the same as
predicted by a new theory (at that time) by Wolfgang Dreybrodt (Bremen).
The plan was to measure drip rates., the water film thickness on
stalagmites and flowstones, and the percolation water calcium
concentration to get a predicted growth rate, and to see how that
compared to the mass increase of small calcite slabs placed on the
surfaces of stalagmites and flowstones. Lower Cave was a short walk from
the office….
One year of data later, and the calcite slab experiment was shown to be
too imprecise to be useful. The data made my PhD thesis but was
otherwise unpublished.
And then I got my first job, at Exeter University, and started work with
a physicist, Bill Barnes, who had a laser laboratory and who allowed me
to measure cave water samples in his lab, and specifically the
fluorescence of organic matter in the water.
At the time, I was interested in understanding how annual fluorescent
laminae were preserved in stalagmites, and some more cave monitoring was
my way of working it out. I knew that the Lower cave drips had a
seasonal variation in drip rates from my work there in 1991-1992. Maybe
we would see a flushing of soil-derived organic matter every year too?
Ziplock plastic bag covered in thin calcite crust. So now it was day trips from Exeter to
Lower Cave, to collect more water samples and measure drip rates. That
was 1994-1995 and that work was publishable (Baker, Barnes and Smart,
1997; Variations in the discharge and organic matter content of stalagmite drip waters in Lower Cave, Bristol
HYDROLOGICAL PROCESSES, VOL. 11, 1541-1555). According to Google
Scholar it has been cited 144 times, and remains consistently cited
today, keeping research in Lower Cave in the active literature almost 20
years after it started.
Looking out of Boat Cave. The large pool in Abbots Woods was part of a
series of pools used by medieval monks from St Augustine's Abbey
(which later became Bristol cathedral) for farming fish. In the 1920s,
under the ownership of Walter Melville Wills, the area around the pool
was landscaped by James Pulham & Sons, who used their patented artificial material rock that became known as Pulhamite to create an artificial cave and a series of cascades.
Close up of Pulhamite slab. Pulhamite was so realistic that it even
fooled some geologists of the era. James Pulham (1820 -1898) took his
recipe to the grave with him. Modern analysis of surviving original
Pulhamite has shown it to be a blend of sand, Portland cement and
clinker sculpted over a core of rubble and crushed bricks.
To Linda and Jan's surprise, ABDr didn't
get water in his wellies when he waded into the cave, and to Linda's
surprise, she didn't fall in when she traversed in across the fallen
log. Not wanting to risk her phone in the water, Jan stayed outside,
then later remembered that her phone is in a waterproof case!
SNAKE'S WELL, ABBOTS LEIGH
Snake's Well. Determined to knock off as many sites from
Somerset Underground (Vol 1) as possible, our intrepid explorers also
decided to look for the nearby Snake's Well. The first attempt was
unsuccessful, but a return the following week complete with ABDr's GPS
led straight to a substantial stone built trough now full of leaves and
dead wood.
SKELETON CAVE, LEIGH WOODS
This small, single chambered cave is
located just under the eastern edge of Stokeleigh Camp, a large Iron Age
encampment in Leigh Woods. Many of the finds from archaeological
excavations here can be seen in the UBSS Museum
The cave has been used by rough sleepers in the past and although some
items have been left behind, the low, almost circular chamber does not
appear to be current inhabited.
A human mandible from the cave has been dated to the early Neolithic.
OBSERVATORY HILL CAVE
Never be without your UBSS keyring torch!
You haven't got one? Then you'd better read to the end as fast as
possible, or enter another of our competitions, to win one!
Alternatively, cough up £4 and never be in the dark again. As part of an eight mile trek from Henleaze
to Stokeleigh Camp, Zac Woodford and Linda Wilson took a detour to
another site included in Somerset Underground.
Observatory Hill Cave can be found at the edge of a small quarry housing
a children's playground on the side of the hill between the observatory
and the road that crosses the suspension bridge. The entrance was
walled off in 1955, but a hole at one edge leads to a surprisingly roomy
chamber.
In view of the number of parents and children nearby, our intrepid duo
didn't worm their way through the opening, but were heard to declare:
"We'll be back!"
MAPPING CO. CLARE CAVES
Section of the map showing Mermaid’s Hole, Doolin, Co. Clare. Graham spends a lot of time
beavering away at the computer working on Irish cave stuff. This is to
give you some idea of why Linda doesn't see much of him during the day
...
A couple of months ago, I reported on the mapping of cave entrances in southern Ireland, covering the areas in both the The Caves of Mid-West Ireland and the forthcoming Caves of southern Ireland.
That project is still ongoing but is at the stage where I am just
improving the dataset as and when more and better information becomes
available.
In the mean-time, I have learnt how to import line surveys into the map
and so I have started a new project in parallel This one is concerned
only with Co. Clare, as that is the area for which we have the most
comprehensive data. This, too, is a work in progress, partially as it
takes time to convert each survey and – as I reported before – there are
an awful lot of errors in the grid references. So, if anyone wants to
help with this and is familiar with any part of the area then please
squint at the map and tell me what’s in the wrong place.
One of the features is the inclusion of the Coolagh River Cave and
Cullaun data from the recent expeditions. Many thanks to all those
involved.
The map can be found. All feedback gratefully appreciated. It is being
updated and added to regularly. There is now a touch over 80 km of
survey on the map and there’s some more to come.
Disclaimer: it is important to note that none of the information on
the map can be relied on. No claims are made for accuracy or reliability
and no responsibility can be accepted for errors and omissions.
Graham Mullan
NOTES FROM THE CRUSTIES
Api Chamber, Mulu, Photo copyright Robbie Shone. Thanks to Robbie for permission to use this here. To prove that your editors don't
always hassle people to write stuff, Linda was very restrained during an
email conversation with Emeritus Prof Peter Smart and didn't make puppy
dog eyes for a contribution to the 100 Memories project, but Peter was
obvious procrastinating and not writing his latest Picken's Hole paper,
and look what turned up a couple of hours later (and before any of you
think your editors are being rude, the title came with the article!) ...
Having read the innovative newsletter, and
the fun stuff included, I thought it might be good to track another
dimension of the Society.
I have been involved in cave and karst
research most of my life, from an initial exposure as an undergraduate
at Bristol’s Geography Department with the ‘Karst Police’ a group of
postgrads who were doing limestone research (fight lime crime our
limestone is disappearing!). It was much more fun and more informative
doing field work with them than going to lectures. I did my
undergraduate dissertation in the Traligill karst in Sutherland, and
then went on to do an MSC in Canada (why not?).
Remember, children, an unfortunate hairstyle will haunt you much more in later life than being rescued. Or maybe not. Whilst I had done some independent caving
prior to this it wasn’t always all that good, involving a rescue from
Vicarage Pot in Swildon's. So Canada was a bit of a shock,
exploration was ongoing on the Ptolemy Plateau in the Rockies of
southern Alberta. My first caving trip was to Mendip Pot with Tich
Morris who did a lot of the original exploration in Aggy. Sounds nice,
small struggley tubes, a bit of water?
The entrance involved a 6 m slide between snow and rock to a slush
ice pool, followed by a flat out crawl over ice (of course with the
meltwater) into open cave beyond. Right. The cave (now minus water which
had disappeared into the trench below continued as a tube with canyon,
until a corner where the tube bits you can stay supported in
disappeared. By this time the canyon was about 60 feet deep, and I
bailed. Never suspend your own judgement. This has been a mantra all my
caving life.
Well after that I manned up and the same year went on with Tich and
others to discover and survey Gargantua on Ptolemy, eventually
completing my MSC and then returning to Bristol to do a PhD (which took
rather a long time). But conveniently my supervisor D Ingle Smith, the
karst supremo lecturer at Bristol, decided it was time to emigrate to
Australia where the wine was cheaper and the cricket rather better. So I
got his job (helpfully I had taken one of the interview panel down the
gorge to teach him how to abseil down cliffs for fossil collection a few
weeks before).
(Ed: this is what happens when you ask for
an author photo.) Mendip cave geomorphology 1980s: gravel and speleothem
section, the Ladder Dig, GB Cave. Photo Tim Atkinson? Initially I worked on Mendip, and in fact
all the world looked like Mendip, but then during a career
development interview, Professor Peel (whose wife introduced me to my
first curry) suggested that there was limestone elsewhere. Really?
Brilliant! And they pay you for going there? AWESOME. So some work in
Castleguard Cave Canada under the Columbia Icefield, and lots of trips
with Tony Waltham to caves Id never heard of but he said were good. They
were, I just wish I had appreciated what I was seeing at the time. I
rather treated the trips as jungle gym, 100 m entrance shaft on ladder,
great ( I dropped my Jumar and went back down to get it)! I owe a great
deal to Tony for widening my horizons.
And the next person who did that was Rob Palmer, legendary cave diver,
lived just outside Bristol, kept telling me there were great things to
do in the Bahamas, sounds attractive, but by now I was a serious
academic with a reviewed research output and career interviews. So I
looked up some stuff and put together a research proposal to Shell.
Underwater current meter in tidally
reversing blue hole, North Andros. Note use of horizontal SRT to
maintain location for flow gauging of the outflow. Engine block
needed to stabilise current meter gives indication of flow
velocity. Diver is Rob Parker. Photo by Peter Smart. I was sitting in my office contemplating
the next tutorial when Fred Laprey rang and said he was interested in
the proposal, great, how much would he provide? ALL THE MONEY. So I
became a cave diver in the University pool under Rob’s tutelage. I
didn’t get to an open water dive let alone one in a cave until we went
to the Bahamas, first dive open water on a reef with waves, very sea
sick, second dive in a blue hole with sediment floor and no visibility. I
just held the line reel and hoped I could get back to the surface.
Third dive Stargate, 90 m deep with shallow halocline between fresh and
salt water. You pop out from the hazy waters of halocline into crystal
clear water with the floor 50 m below. I was so scared I couldn’t let go
of the shot line, buoyancy??? But Rob was right, there was good science
to do, we got papers in Geology and Nature and NERC grants to go back
and do more. Then I went on to do similar work with postgrad students
supported by the Royal Geographical Society in the Yucatan, Mexico where
the underwater caves are seriously long (longest penetration dive 1.5
km and then you get anxious). I actually had to get qualified at this
time for UoB insurance purposes thanks to Dan Lins one of the original
NSS Cave Divers members.
Meanwhile back on the surface, there were trips to China to Java and to
Mulu, which has remained one of the best places to do cave research
ever. Where else can you spend a couple of weeks being a good scientist,
doing research and not exploring caves and then go off for a small end
of trip spree to discover over a km of passage up to 40 m wide just
inside the known entrance (ask Dick Willis, called Not Before Time and
now the link between Clearwater Cave and Cave of the Winds).
Incidentally we got overnighted by high river levels…. Dick tends to do
that. So more good papers from Mulu and more postgrads who have the cave
bug, been there and now out there doing serious professional cave
science. Great!
Laser survey of Mawah Dong, China, Photo copyright Mark Burkey. Thanks to Mark for permission to use this here. So I retired, but kept a foot in the door
of cave science. This blossomed into one of Andy Eavis’s best jaunts yet
to survey the World’s Largest Cave Chambers. Initially we visited China
supported by National Geographic. They did the survey, I wandered
around on my own doing the geomorphology, not that you can see the cave
ceiling or walls in many of these huge chambers, or the exit….
Then on to Mulu and Belize (they didn’t ask me along when serious SRT
was involved so I missed Iran and Mexico) and back to China, when I
finally realised I was not very good at SRT and should probably stop
before I killed myself, or worse someone else trying to rescue me. Think
I probably have the same view on cave diving, but hey you don’t know….
UK cave science owes more to Any Eavis than anyone.
Meanwhile Graham is lambasting me to write up the work I started in 1985
on Pickens Hole, Crooks Peak on Mendip, so my authoritative account of
the geomorphology of the world's largest cave chambers will have to
wait.
Peter Smart
100 MEMORIES - COOLAGH RIVER CAVE
Coolagh streamway, complete with inflatable unicorn and members of the 2020 Irish trip. The Coolagh River Cave holds a
place in the memories of many UBSS members, old and new. Here, Graham
Mullan looks back at an after-pub trip as a student.
This memory was sparked by talking with those returning from Co Clare this year.
I first went down Coolagh in July 1973. It was the last day of the
expedition and the task was to plumb Balcombe’s Pot. So Charlie Self,
Oliver Lloyd and I went down via Poldonough South. We completed the task
and declared the pot to be 16-17 feet deep. That was about three
Charlie lengths.
That evening, the younger members gathered in O’Connor’s Bar in Doolin
and were chatting about the day’s caving. Julian Walford was talking
about an aven just before the Terminal Sump in Coolagh, which had been
noted by others that day. We knew nothing about it and speculated that
nobody else did, either. There was no mention in Trat’s The Caves of
North-West Clare which had been published only four years previously.
So, this being the last day (night!) of the trip, if we wanted to know
more about it we had little time. Consequently, Julian, Dick Willis and
I, only a little worse for wear from Guinness, set off down the cave
shortly after last orders.
The trip was efficient on the way in – it was all downhill – and we
reached the aven. Julian climbed while Dick and I sat at the bottom. I’m
not sure of the height he reached, but it closed down. I think Dick
also had a look, but with no further progress. We therefore set off back
out.
Coming back along Double Passage, my light was getting dimmer and
dimmer, it had not been charged after the earlier trip as I hadn’t
expected to be caving again. So I found myself crawling along the
ledges, keeping my face as close to the ground as I could in order to
make out something of where I was. So I couldn’t see exactly where I was
going, crawled into a hitherto unnoticed alcove on the right and
suddenly found I was at a dead-end. Confusion! Where had I gone wrong?
The other two were in front of me so what had happened to them. At this
stage, the Guinness was definitely not helping.
So I sat down and called out to them. Fortunately, they had waited for
me at the entrance instead of going back to the car to change & when
I did not reappear, Dick stuck his head inside the entrance crack and
heard my confused yelling. With his light, I was back on track and out
within a minute or two.
We subsequently learnt that Dave Savage had climbed the aven a few years
previously and had we only waited till morning Trat or Oliver could
have told us. Had it not been the last night, with no other chance to
explore.
I’m now waiting to see if the new survey, when it's drawn, has identified my little inlet.
Graham Mullan
THE POULELVA SONG
Poulelva being descended, September 2020. Photo by Elaine Oliver. Thanks to an email from former member Cyril
Johnson, we now know a little bit more about the authorship of the
song, Poulelva we Descended, featured in the last newsletter. In that
article, we attributed the song to Oliver Lloyd, but Cyril has informed
us that he and Barry Perratt started to write the song in the autumn of
1959.
He told us that Oliver wrote the verse:
This isn't the end of the story, it isn't the finish by far
We covered ourselves in glory, bright as the Morning Star
For some went down Polnagollum and others down Elva's Pot
And we shook hands in the middle, thus making 6 miles the lot
Cyril also commented that in his day, the cave name was commonly spelled Polelva.
PEN PALS - THE LADY IN RED
One of the drawbacks (or maybe perks?) of being the Pres that Elaine
discovered in the past year, is having phishing emails sent in her name
to committee members, often with hilarious results. It's become
something of a game to see how long the correspondence can be spun out
out. At the moment, the clear winner is Mia Jacobs, as she reports ...
Back in September, Elaine 2.0 sparked up a conversation with me which
ended up taking many interesting developments. The UBSS committee has
had a lot of fun this year corresponding with her, but we managed to
string on this particular Elaine further than any Elaine had been led
thus far…
From: Elaine Oliver <[email protected]> Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2020 8:09:24 AM To: Mia Jacobs Subject: Self Response
Good Morning, Mia
Are you free at the Moment
Thanks
Elaine
10/10/2020 From: Mia Jacobs Subject: Re: Self Response
Elaine, we’re over. I still love you, but you know we can’t be together.
Okay Jacobs,can i have your time today please
kindely reply ASAP
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Ouch.. i know i’m the one who ended things, but calling me by my last name is a bit of a low blow.
Mia
Really ark so surprised mia, can you purchase some thing for me at the
store today please
I need few gift cards from you and needed to be send to some now £30
face value in seven (7)
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
I’m not your sugar mummy any more elaine.
Does things are needed from us has a leader I should be given to them
has a gift from us am not trying to be nice can you still get them for
me please all cash will be rebuses back to you by Monday
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
You’ve made it quite clear that you are not
trying to be nice. Now tell me why should i do this favour for you?
What do i get from this?
Mia
If you can make it up to me anything you want Mia
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Mia let me know when you have them
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Really? You’ll do anything i want?
Yes Mia when you purchase what I ask you
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Ok, i’ll buy it. IF you say you’re my worm, nobody else’s, now and forever.
Yes Mia you're my worm for now and ever
Promise to never let you down Mia and your wisess
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Mia let me know when you're back
THANKS
Elaine Oliver
YOU’RE WELCOME
When will be sending does cards mia
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Getting them now.. just wondering, what are you going to buy with the gift cards?
Thank you I will tell you what is used for Kindly take d picture of it
Mia send them here
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
11/10/2020
Did you get them? I dropped them on your desk.
Okay Mia am not on desk now please scratch
them and take the pictures of the cards showing the PIN numbers and the
Activation receipt, email them to me and keep the physical cards safe
Thanks
Elaine
AUTOMATIC REPLY:
I am currently away from the office on annual leave. Please kindly wait
and I will be back online on Monday 2nd November. If your enquiry is
urgent, include the word “DIARRHOEA” in your next email and I will be
notified.
Kind regards,
Mia Jacobs
MIA “DIARRHOEA” when are you sending them?
Thanks
Elaine Oliver
Oh hi, Elaine!
I’m on holiday in lovely little cottage in the south of France right
now. Have you ever been to Marseille? It’s beautiful here, you must come
and see my chateau - when are you free? I could take you one weekend in
December, would that work? Please do tell me your favourite colour so I
can get some nice bed sheets ready for you. Do you like green? I’m
thinking wild, Irish, down-to-earth... Or are you more or a red lady?
You do have a certain spark after all.
Anyway, about the gift cards, I’ve decided that is boring and you
deserve a more exciting treat, so I’ve used them to buy you some
presents. Give me your address and I’ll have them sent to your door
ASAP.
À bientôt,
Mia
Mia i will be happy if you can take me there when you are free
am a lady with red
About the presents you talk about what are the things you buy and do
you use all the cards i asked you?
Thanks
Elaine
Ok. I’ll buy some red satin bedsheets for you - you’ll love it! What is your favourite wine? Just so i can start stocking up..
Yes, I used all of the cards. If I told you what the presents are that would ruin the surprise! I’ll post them to your address.
Mia
Mia can we talk about the red satin later
i think i told you i need some cards also and when are you getting it back
That is what is the ark of surprise i need at the moment can you do it now
Elaine Oliver
Elaine,
I’m in the supermarket now, what’s your favourite wine?
I don’t have the gift cards any more, I bought you presents with them! I
will have them posted to you when you give me your address.
Mia
Okay Mia
But I also need few gift card to be send to someone by me
Elaine Oliver
Who are you sending them to? Is it Imogen?
My co members
Which ones?
Mia i want Google play or welmart,Amazon gift cards
Thanks
Elaine
No, i mean who are you giving the cards to?
£50 Face value
Thanks
Elaine
For whom?
Why are you ignoring me?
What is your favourite wine?
Moscato what about the card you get?
Elaine
12/10/2020
AUTOMATIC REPLY:
I am currently away from the office on annual leave. Please kindly wait
and I will be back online on Monday 2nd November. If your enquiry is
urgent, include the word “DIARRHOEA” in your next email and I will be
notified.
Kind regards,
Mia Jacobs
From: Elaine Oliver <[email protected]> Sent: Monday, October 12, 2020 2:24:01 PM To: Mia Jacobs Subject: Response Notice
Hi do you have the card
Thanks
Elaine
Subject: Re: Response Notice
AUTOMATIC REPLY:
I am currently away from the office on annual leave. Please kindly wait
and I will be back online on Monday 2nd November. If your enquiry is
urgent, include the word “DIARRHOEA” in your next email and I will be
notified.
Kind regards,
Mia Jacobs
And then there was silence … until the 5th of
November. We’re still in touch to this day. Feel free to offer Elaine
some gift card codes at the email address specified above.
What are your favourite quotes from this email chain? Send them here!
Mia Jacobs
TRIGGER'S TOY REINDEER READ TO THE END! DID YOU?
And there'll be a special prize for anyone
who can tell us why a toy reindeer has a red ball instead of a front
leg! Linda (ever the big spender) bought this for her lurchers for
Christmas for £1 from a charity shop.
The monthly UBSS speed-reading
competition is hotting up, with only two issues left to go before we
declare an overall winner for 2020! So get your reading glasses on ...
Last month's I Read to the End was a no-holds barred fight between
Imogen Clement and flatmates Megan Malpas and Committee Llama, Zac
Woodford, with Megan pipping them to the the post with an impressive
(and no doubt wholly uncheatworthy) time of four minutes, with Imo
beating Zac by no more than a minute. In deference to their fiercely
competitive spirits, your editors decided to award first, second and
third prizes last month.
So, could it be you next time? There are still prizes to be had!
And now for last month's entries ...
- Ahem (Graham Mullan) (Eds: He tries this every month, but we haven't caved in yet.)
- ZOOM ZOOM (Megan Malpas)
- I want the PEN !!! (Imogen Clement) (Eds: Who are we to deny a girl a pen?)
- Uhhh... Yeah totally had time to read while also in a workshop... (Zac Woodford)
- I’ve read it beginning to end. Am I first? Another brilliant
effort, and I’m much impressed (a) by how much caving you’re doing at
the moment and (b how good your cave photos are, given that
they’re only taken on a camera phone. (Carol Walford) (Eds: Despite the
lovely compliments, we had to break it to Carol that we have some
students who get out of bed before midday.)
- That is a very portmanteau name for the llama! I trust he enjoys
the dignity (or lack of)! And I was shocked at the number of times my
name showed up! It was a great month! (Jan Walker)
- Nice photos of GB. Brings back memories. (Hans Friederich)
- Has someone been feeding cocaine to Linda, she seems to be very active these days. (Dick Willis)
- But I still haven't read September's! (ABDr)
- Great reports for those of us confined to barracks to read. And I
tittered at the saga of the scammer. FT Bear and I promise to attend the
EGM and put our paws in the air as required! (Sharon Wheeler) (And we
can confirm they did!)
